Listening definition
This lets you gain energy and height, just like someone jumping on a trampoline. They make you feel better not merely passively absorbing, but by actively supporting. They are someone you can bounce ideas off of - and rather than absorbing your ideas and energy, they amplify, energize, and clarify your thinking. While many of us have thought of being a good listener being like a sponge that accurately absorbs what the other person is saying, instead, what these findings show is that good listeners are like trampolines. Someone who seems combative or critical and then tries to give advice may not be seen as trustworthy.) (Someone who is silent for the whole conversation and then jumps in with a suggestion may not be seen as credible.
Another possibility is that we’re more likely to accept suggestions from people we already think are good listeners. This finding somewhat surprised us, since it’s not uncommon to hear complaints that “So-and-so didn’t listen, he just jumped in and tried to solve the problem.” Perhaps what the data is telling us is that making suggestions is not itself the problem it may be the skill with which those suggestions are made. Good listening invariably included some feedback provided in a way others would accept and that opened up alternative paths to consider. Good listeners tended to make suggestions.Good listeners may challenge assumptions and disagree, but the person being listened to feels the listener is trying to help, not wanting to win an argument. That might make you an excellent debater, but it doesn’t make you a good listener. By contrast, poor listeners were seen as competitive - as listening only to identify errors in reasoning or logic, using their silence as a chance to prepare their next response. In these interactions, feedback flowed smoothly in both directions with neither party becoming defensive about comments the other made. Good listening was seen as a cooperative conversation.Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe environment in which issues and differences could be discussed openly. Good listeners made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in them. The best listeners made the conversation a positive experience for the other party, which doesn’t happen when the listener is passive (or, for that matter, critical!). Good listening included interactions that build a person’s self-esteem.Good listening was consistently seen as a two-way dialog, rather than a one-way “speaker versus hearer” interaction. Sitting there silently nodding does not provide sure evidence that a person is listening, but asking a good question tells the speaker the listener has not only heard what was said, but that they comprehended it well enough to want additional information. These questions gently challenge old assumptions, but do so in a constructive way. To the contrary, people perceive the best listeners to be those who periodically ask questions that promote discovery and insight. Good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks.
We found some surprising conclusions, along with some qualities we expected to hear. With those results in hand we identified the differences between great and average listeners and analyzed the data to determine what characteristics their colleagues identified as the behaviors that made them outstanding listeners. We then compared the best listeners to the average of all other people in the data set and identified the 20 items showing the largest significant difference. We identified those who were perceived as being the most effective listeners (the top 5%). As part of this program, their coaching skills were assessed by others in 360-degree assessments. We analyzed data describing the behavior of 3,492 participants in a development program designed to help managers become better coaches. What you’re saying is…” However, recent research that we conducted suggests that these behaviors fall far short of describing good listening skills. In fact, much management advice on listening suggests doing these very things – encouraging listeners to remain quiet, nod and “mm-hmm” encouragingly, and then repeat back to the talker something like, “So, let me make sure I understand.
Letting others know you’re listening through facial expressions and verbal sounds (“Mmm-hmm”).In our experience, most people think good listening comes down to doing three things: People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average. Chances are you think you’re a good listener.